by Dr Bibiana Chan
Last Nov, I talked about the significance of human connection as a key to a healthy and meaningful life. This month, I’d like to share a real-life story of a friendship that has endured for 39 years. Connie and I first crossed paths through her younger brother, Victor, who attended the same church as mine. At that time, I was an overseas student searching for accommodation for the upcoming term. Connie, in turn, was seeking students to occupy her spare bedroom—for both the extra income and, more importantly, the companionship. The ‘connection’ was immediate when I inspected her house with a fellow student from Hong Kong.
Numerous events unfolded over the past decades. Connie united with her partner, I got married and returned to Hong Kong for work, yet our friendship remained loosely connected with occasional visits. When I migrated to Sydney in 1992 (after witnessing the Tiananmen Massacre on TV), we rekindled our connection. Our children became instant playmates, and I fondly recall one visit where Connie’s younger daughter, at the age of five, impressed me with her sophisticated drawings.
Connie’s elder daughter shares a birthday close to my son’s, and we used to celebrate their birthdays together in style with poolside parties. There was a brief period of lost contact when our circumstances changed, I was preoccupied with pursuing my studies, and Connie was diligent in sharing the gospel with those she encountered.
In 2019, I needed co-leaders for my debut Laughter Yoga Class at the Eastwood Chinese Senior Citizen Club, part of a Mental Health Month Special Program. Coincidentally, I reconnected with Connie, and she generously offered her help. This marked the founding of CFS. Connie became a dedicated member, actively participating in many of CFS’ Creative Workshops and assisting with packing and washing up. She ardently promoted CFS activities within her circle of friends. This year, she played a crucial role in setting up a successful Mother’s Day Pop-up Stall with a harbour-front view at HSBC’s Barangaroo Headquarters. She arrived at Willoughby from Auburn at 8 am to help pack everything into the car boot. The day before, she assisted me in creating elegant Mother’s Day bouquets. Without her support, this pop-up stall would not have been possible.
In 2023, we both reached a milestone and celebrated significant birthdays. Despite the age gap between us, it only adds to the richness of our friendship. We draw from our diverse life experiences, sharing stories and life lessons. One day, we hope to sit down over a cup of tea and pen a book documenting our decades-long friendship.
During the summer break, I encourage you to pick up your phone and arrange a face-to-face meeting with a friend you haven’t seen in a long time. I bet you’ll be able to pick up right where you left off last time. Cherish the human connection, which cannot be replaced by AI!
With reference to a Harvard longitudinal research on adult development and happiness, I mentioned about this grid on ‘sources of support in my life’ in the Nov 2023 e-Newsletter. I filled in my relationship with Connie. We ticked all the boxes but could definitely do more fun stuff together beyond the CFS creative workshops!
友誼永固 (Friendship Forever)
by Connie Ma
There is a Chinese saying: ‘Know yourself and the enemy and fight a hundred battles without danger.’ Bibi and I have known each other for almost four decades. At that time, she was an overseas student, and we met over some rental matters. I became her ‘landlady.’ As Cantonese is our mother tongue (同聲同氣 tóng shēng tóng qì, literally means ‘with the same voice, with the same breath’), our conversation covered a wide range of topics.
Since everyone got married and had children, we were too busy, and we hardly saw each other. However, when our children went to high school, they used to celebrate their birthdays together, as Bibi’s son, Jon, is only one week older than my daughter, Carmen. We both took great pride in seeing them grow up to be sensible young people.
Bibi then moved a few times, and I also moved. Our contacts became infrequent. Out of the blue, she invited me to attend her doctoral graduation ceremony; I was so touched. It was just like the joy of a big sister seeing a younger sister overcome a huge obstacle (in Bibi’s own words, ‘climbed Mount Everest’) and make her dream come true.
In recent years, since I have retired, I can use my time more freely. When I learned that Bibi is starting a not-for-profit social enterprise, ‘Community Flower Studio’ (CFS), to reach out to young people with mental health challenges, I was touched by her passion and perseverance. Especially during COVID-19, she made great efforts to keep CFS running.
One of the objectives of CFS is to provide a space where young people feel safe and relaxed and get to know other people facing similar challenges in life. With more empathy and compassion, they offer help and support for each other, thereby regaining confidence and becoming contributing members of society.
When reading to this point, you might wonder, what is the biggest social impact of involving yourself with CFS? It’s about establishing mutual trust, understanding, and empathy. Connect with each other through active listening, love, and kindness! Thus, step out of your comfort zone and offer a helping hand to someone in need at any time.
中國有句俗話：「知己知彼，百戰不殆」。我和Bibi相識至相交差不多四十蛓。 當時因為她是海外留學生，因租屋事宜而認識, 我就成為她的包租姐。 所謂同聲同氣， (由於粵語是我們的母語)，話題就更多。 由於大家都結婚生子了，我們都很忙，很少見面。 然而，當我們的孩子上高中時，他們常常一起慶祝生日，因為 Bibi 的兒子只比我的女兒 Carmen 大 1 週。 看到他們成長為懂事的年輕人，我們都感到非常自豪。Bibi後來搬家幾次，我也搬家了。 我們的聯繫變得越來越少。當有一天她突然邀請我參加她的博士畢業典禮時我好感動，就如一個大姐姐見到一個妹妹排除困難， 夢想成真那般喜悅 (用Bibi自己的話說 “好像登上珠穆朗瑪峰”)!最近幾年因已退休，時間運用也比較自由。 當我得知Bibi正在創辦一家非營利社會企業「Community Flower Studio」（CFS）來幫助有心理健康挑戰的年輕人時，我被她的熱情和毅力所感動。 尤其是在COVID-19期間，她為保持CFS的運作付出了很大的努力。CFS的目標之一是提供一個讓年輕人感到安全和輕鬆的空間，並結識其他在生活中面臨類似挑戰的人。 他們懷著更多的同理心和同情心，互相幫助和支持。 從而重拾信心，成為對社會有貢獻的一員。讀到這裡，您會想知道參與 CFS 最大的得着是什麼？就是就是彼此信任，了解和建立同理心， 用愛連接大家分擔需要。因此，讓我們走出自己的‘comfort zone’ (舒適區)，隨時向有需要的人伸出援手。
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