Fathers’ Love

Fathers’ Love: Gentle but Strong, Quiet but Lasting

At yesterday’s Community Flower Studio pop-up stall, I was reminded of a kind of love that often doesn’t get as much attention — the love of a father for his child.

It started with a family of three — daddy, mummy, and a bright-eyed three-year-old boy. Our high school volunteer, Henry, handed them a “Petal-it-Forward” Daffodil Posy as part of Daffodil Month. The whole family’s faces lit up. After thanking us, they lingered, curious about the other products on our table.

Their attention was quickly caught by our mini succulent pots, each decorated with a gum nut and a little red toadstool mushroom. The little boy carefully chose his favourite pot. As I handed it over, I noticed a small succulent leaf that had fallen onto the pebbles inside. It wasn’t just a leaf — there was a tiny green sprout emerging from it.

I smiled and said to the little boy,

“Look! There’s a baby succulent here. How about you look after this baby while Mummy and Daddy look after the plant?”

His eyes lit up, and he waved enthusiastically as the family crossed the road to continue their day.

A few minutes later, rain began to pour. Another volunteer, Anna, arrived for her first shift, so I asked Henry, who had been helping, to give her a quick handover. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the father from earlier walk past our stall. Then he passed again. He didn’t interrupt — just kept glancing around as if searching for something.

Eventually, he left and crossed the road. But soon, he returned, looking more intently at the ground near our stall.

“Are you looking for something?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said. “The little succulent leaf that was on top of the pot.”

I told him not to worry — you can just tear off a bottom leaf from the mother plant and a new baby will appear. He nodded politely and crossed the road again. This time, I watched him retrace the exact path his family had taken earlier.

Then it happened — a little spark in his eyes. “Found it!”

The relief and joy on his face were remarkable. He wasn’t just retrieving a leaf. He was retrieving something his child had been entrusted with — something symbolic, something to nurture.

And in that moment, I thought of my own father

I grew up with a dad who would do exactly the same for me. He was nurturing, protective, and quietly determined to support his children in every way he could. One memory, in particular, came flooding back.

It was the day of my high school entrance exam — a huge milestone in my young life. I was just eleven, tiny for my age, and the rain was pouring down like ‘cats and dogs’. My dad had taken the day off work to take me to the examination centre.

When we reached the road outside, the stormwater was rushing so fiercely that it felt dangerous to cross. Without hesitation, my dad scooped me up into his arms and carried me over, making sure I stayed completely safe and dry.

That day, I performed well in the exam and secured a place at one of the top government high schools. That opportunity became a solid foundation for my education and future career. But more than the achievement itself, what has stayed with me all these years is the memory of being held safely by my father — protected not just from the rain, but from the fear of being swept away.

There are countless other examples of my father’s care for me and my siblings. Though he trained as a journalist, he never worked in that profession. Still, I know he would be so proud to see me publishing the CFS monthly e-Newsletter — sharing stories that celebrate people, community, and moments of kindness.

Yesterday’s encounter reminded me that fathers’ love often speaks in actions more than words. And in today’s world, where almost one in two couples in Australia go through divorce, maintaining a healthy relationship with one’s father is more important than ever.

Research shows that having at least one stable, supportive adult in a child’s life is crucial for resilience — the ability to thrive despite adversity. Emmy Werner’s pioneering studies of high-risk children emphasize the power of such relationships in fostering resilience. Yet, broader research suggests that having multiple significant adults — including both male and female role models — can offer children a richer network of social and emotional support.

This is especially true in diverse family arrangements, with 1 in 2 marriages ended in divorce ABS (2022), or migrant communities facing huge challenges. Having two or more caring adults provides different perspectives and strengths that help children build a healthy balance of love, resilience, and coping skills. For example, maternal support may be more influential during periods of high stress, while paternal support can be critical for children with lower personal resilience, as one study of African American adolescent girls shows. Female significant others and male significant others often contribute in complementary but distinct ways to a child’s development.

So this Father’s Day, let’s remember to celebrate those moments, both big and small. Mothers’ love is rightfully celebrated often, but fathers’ love is equally important and deeply valuable. It might be less spoken about, but it shapes us just as profoundly.

To all the caring fathers out there — hats off to you. Your love, whether loud or quiet, is a gift your children will carry for the rest of their lives.

Research Note

An overview of Professor E. Werner’s pioneering resilience study found that being able to derive comfort from loved ones, find pleasure in the midst of pain, and use humour as a coping strategy are key parts of the resilience process.

A separate study by Trask-Tate, Cunningham & Lang-deGrange (2010) on African American adolescent girls revealed that maternal support was more crucial during negative life events, while paternal support was more vital when ego-resiliency was low. This suggests that mothers and fathers may contribute to resilience in different but complementary ways among high-risk youth.

Emerging perspectives in the study of impact of divorce on children, such as a focus on the number of family transitions rather than on divorce as a single event, is helpful.

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References

1. Amato, P. R. (2010). Research on Divorce: Continuing Trends and New Developments. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72(3), 650–666.
2. Werner, E. E., & Smith, R. S. (1992). Overcoming the odds: High risk children from birth to adulthood. Cornell University Press.
3. Trask-Tate, A., Cunningham, M., & Lang-DeGrange, L. (2010). The importance of family: The impact of social support on symptoms of psychological distress in African American girls. Research in Human Development, 7(3), 164–182.
4. Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2022). Marriages and Divorces, Australia. Retrieved from https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/people/people-and-communities/marriages-and-divorces-australia/2022
5. Child Trends. (2013). Caring Adults in the Lives of Children and Youth: A Developmental Perspective. Retrieved from https://www.childtrends.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/2013-54CaringAdults.pdf
6. National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC). (n.d.). Developmentally Appropriate Practice: The Foundation of Early Childhood Professional Preparation. Retrieved from https://www.naeyc.org/resources/position-statements/dap/principles