by Dr Bibiana Chan
I first met Joyce Lewis at a StreetWork Fundraising event in July 2019 before the Community Flower Studio (CFS) was founded. Someone introduced me to Joyce as the real estate agent who might be able to help me find a suitable shop front for CFS. Joyce gave me her business card. I then ran into her at Chatswood Chase’s food court one afternoon. We had a cuppa and a good chat. Both living in Willoughby, we said we should catch up regularly. Our next meeting was at StreetWork’s 2019 Christmas Dinner, where I was the guest speaker. CFS was just founded. She gave me some encouraging words and best wishes.
She invited me to a Chinese New Year Celebration at her place in Feb 2020. It was right at the beginning of the COVID-19 Pandemic, and many guests sent their apologies. I had an earlier appointment and only arrived late in the afternoon on foot. There was a small group, but Joyce had prepared a lot of food to entertain her guests. I got to talk to her at a deeper level and met some of her other guests. It was quite dark when I made my way home. It was very kind of her husband to give me a lift back.
I hadn’t heard from Joyce for a little while when, out of the blue, she called me and asked whether I could host a floral arrangement workshop for her Singaporean friends. I spelled out the details for her on the phone and then put everything in writing via email. However, I hadn’t heard from Joyce. I was pre-occupied with hosting virtual terrarium workshops and forgot to follow-up. Two COVID-19 lockdowns really changed the way we connect with friends. Facebook Messenger, WhatsApp, and SMS became our primary media of communication. Picking up the phone to share news seems like a thing of the past. Joyce regularly sent me greetings via WhatsApp – images with beautiful flowers and words of wisdom.
We reconnected face-to-face in October 2022 because I needed a JP to certify some photocopies as true copies of the originals. I walked to Joyce’s place with a Lilac Rose bouquet. She gave me a bear hug and the biggest smile! We were just returning to the practice of hugging each other after surviving 2 COVID-19 lockdowns. Having not seen each other face-to-face for a long while, we had a good chat about everything.
Joyce was a passionate supporter of all StreetWork Fundraising events. I often ran into her at these occasions now that in-person events were slowly finding their way back into our diary. On one occasion, I mentioned to her the CFS’ new initiative ‘Bushwalk of the Month’. She was keen to take part, so I sent her the monthly invitations. I also knew that she was interested in Orchids. When I hosted a Moth Orchid Repotting Workshop, she not only came along herself but also invited 2 friends to attend. She also signed up as a CFS member and encouraged her friends to do so. She came to CFS’ Laughter Yoga Class and helped me with the Mental Health Month pop-up stall.
Joyce went with me to the Flower Market together on 1/11 to get the raw materials for a FAME workshop. It was unfortunately the first and the last trip to the Flower Market for Joyce. She passed away tragically in a house fire on Sat 18/11.
At this Flower Market trip, I gave her a guided tour after I got the flowers needed for a floral arrangements workshop. I told her which stalls to buy what flowers to get the best qualities and values. She had never been to the flower market before our trip. She told me she couldn’t find it in the huge Flemington Market. She was so happy that she knew her way now and was keen to come back herself. That morning, out of all the beautiful blooms in the whole market, Joyce bought a mixed rose bunch to give to a friend. I am going to call it – Joyce’s Choice!
During the journey back to Willoughby, we touched on the subject about stigma attached to mental illness was still so high within the Asian communities. I told her e-Mental health offered an anonymous way of accessing services. This was one of the recommendations in my PhD thesis. I told Joyce that I would send her a few links on some of the resources I used when I was in a depression episode. I would recommend this e-Mental Health resources to anyone experiencing psychological distress. Before I found the time to do this, Joyce was gone!
On Wed 22/11, I headed to the Flower Market again for an order for an event. I bought 10 bunches (each with 10 stems of local roses) of ‘Joyce’s Choice’ after learning the sad news about the house fire. I arranged the 10 stems into 2 posies with Jasmine from my garden and White Geraldton (Natives) from a local farm. There is a PINK ROSE in the center representing Joyce. When I finished, I took these posies to Little Giant Roaster Cafe Willoughby the next day (23/11). I posted on Willoughby Living (a Facebook Group) and invited the local residents to pick 2 posies, one to keep and one to spread kindness. LET’S CELEBRATE JOYCE’S BIG HEART WITH A ‘PETAL-IT-FORWARD’ JOYCE’S CHOICE!”
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Lifeline, Harbour to Hawkesbury) offers individual sessions are $35 (concessions available) or $45 for couples/families. Generally, a series of 8 to 10 sessions is most helpful, but this will vary with individual circumstances.
Online resources for Dealing with “Grief, loss and mental health”.
Factsheet on Dealing with Grief
I found this Wellbeing Plan very helpful in assisting me in working out my plans to stay well while grieving the loss of a great friend. Some kids and teens witnessed the house fire. The following suggestions for teenagers seem very useful.”
The Black Dog Institue also offers ‘My Compass’, an online self-help program which is reviewed by experts in the field to be ‘good’.
5 Ways to Cope When a Loved One Dies (For Teens)
- Join in rituals. Memorial services and funerals are times to gather.
- Accept your emotions. Don’t stop yourself from having a good cry if you feel one coming on.
- Talk about it when you can.
- Preserve memories.
- Get the support you need.
I came across this page by ‘Better Health, Victoria Government, Australia. I summarised the key points. below, I hope they are great to put in your ‘Mental Health First Aid Toolbox’.
Looking after yourself when you are grieving
Experiencing the loss of a loved one is a deeply shattering event, affecting you emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Prioritizing self-care becomes paramount during this challenging time. Attend to your physical well-being by focusing on a balanced diet, regular exercise, and seeking medical care when necessary. Grief often manifests in various ways, leading to symptoms like sleeplessness and anxiety. Incorporating relaxation techniques into your daily routine, such as meditation, tai chi, or engaging in activities you love, can provide solace. Adequate sleep is crucial, as grief can be physically and emotionally draining.
Be cautious about turning to addictive substances like cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs as coping mechanisms, as they may offer temporary relief but pose additional health and behavioral risks. If you find the need for medication, consult with your doctor for professional guidance. Above all, be gentle with yourself; embrace self-compassion and allow the natural process of grieving to unfold without judgment or comparison to perceived expectations.