The Friction of Being Human: What Can AI Teach Us About Human Connection?
By Dr Bibiana Chan
Recently, I found myself thinking about something psychologists have raised as AI companions become increasingly popular: some young people may prefer talking to AI because the interaction is frictionless*. An AI doesn’t get offended, become defensive, interrupt, or hold a grudge. It can be wonderfully easy to talk to.
But is friction always a bad thing?
Two recent experiences made me think otherwise.
I had dinner with two good friends who expressed political views very different from mine. Rather than getting into a heated debate, I listened. I shared my own opinions gently, accepted that I saw things differently, and moved on to another topic. I didn’t need to agree in order to remain connected.
The second experience was much less pleasant. At a supermarket checkout, the conveyor belt wasn’t working. I didn’t pay much attention and routinely placed my stuff on the conveyor belt. I thought I had left enough space between customers. The woman in front of me had a full trolley and asked me to move my stuff back to give her more space. My groceries were heavy and I couldn’t realistically move them. I suggested that she wait until the cashier returned so she could pass her items directly to the cashier. I apologised several times, but she remained visibly unhappy. Eventually, I stepped back and avoided further eye contact.
Nothing was resolved. Nobody “won”. It was simply an unfortunate and uncomfortable human interaction.
And perhaps that’s the point.
Growing up in Chinese culture, I was taught to value harmony highly. The concept of the “big ME and little me” also shaped how I understood my place within a family and community: sometimes the individual gives way to the collective for the sake of harmony.
But I am learning that harmony doesn’t necessarily mean the absence of disagreement or discomfort.
Assertive communication requires us to express our needs and opinions while respecting those of others. That means learning to tolerate the uncomfortable space between us when we don’t agree — without rushing to fix it, avoid it or make ourselves smaller just to restore harmony.
AI can be a wonderful companion for reflection. I can bring an awkward conversation here, unpack what happened, consider another perspective and rehearse how I might respond differently next time. There is very little friction.
But perhaps AI should be our rehearsal room, not our replacement for the stage.
Real relationships involve disagreement, misunderstanding, competing needs and sometimes even someone being annoyed with us. These moments can be uncomfortable, but they also give us opportunities to practise listening, setting boundaries, apologising when appropriate, expressing ourselves respectfully and repairing relationships.
Maybe the goal isn’t to eliminate friction from our lives.
Perhaps it is to become more comfortable with the inevitable friction of being human.
We can disagree without disconnecting.
We can experience discomfort without assuming something has gone wrong.
And we can allow another person to be unhappy with us without automatically believing that we have done something wrong.
In a world where AI can make communication increasingly frictionless, perhaps one of the life skills we need to preserve — and teach our young people — is the ability to navigate the beautiful, messy, sometimes uncomfortable business of being human.
Friction isn’t always a failure of connection. Sometimes, it is where connection becomes resilient.