by Dr Bibiana Chan
Turning Anger & Fear into HOPE – the message from 2 sexual abuse ‘SURVIVORS’.
June 27 is PTSD Awareness Day. Dr Bettina Christl (CFS’ Vice-President) shared her thoughts on ‘Trauma and Mental Health’ in 2021. In this article, I talked about the very courageous stories of Grace Tame and Saxon Mullins and their advocacies resulting in law reform. If you find this topic a bit heavy for you and may trigger emotional distress, please talk to a friend or a mental health professional or call one of the helplines listed in the above-mentioned article.
2021 Australian of the Year – Grace Tame
I first heard about Grace Tame at the award ceremony of the 2021 Australian of the Year. I was amazed to learn that Grace was merely 26 years old. She was obviously very emotional in her acceptance speech. She raised her right hand to show the audience her tattoo: EAT MY FEAR’! For the first time, I heard Grace’s stories of being a survivor of sexual abuse! After watching her honest disclosure on “survival, resilience and speaking out” to ABC Program ‘One Plus One’ host Kurt Furley, I couldn’t not be moved by her passionate advocacy and determination to turn her traumatic experience into HOPE for others. She said, ‘If I could just help one person…”
Eat My Fear’: Grace Tame on survival, resilience and speaking out | One Plus One
Grace explained:
‘People think that it (trauma) can be contained. I liken it to a cold sore, it’s like an emotional or mental cold sore in that it’s with you forever and it can lie dormant within you but at any given time, it can be triggered and that’s not your fault.
No one wakes up and goes. “grow me a cold sore today”, it just happens. You know you can deal with it and you can take active measures to stop it from coming up as frequently. You can manage it but it’s there, and you have to accept that and you could but that doesn’t mean it defines you either. And it doesn’t mean that it’s a negative thing like in my case, I see it as a source of great strength and resilience and ultimately power.‘
I’m that Girl! Saxon Mullins
Saxon is another young female who advocated for law reform in NSW, Australia. The affirmative consent bill passed in November 2021.
It was the tireless effort and perseverance of Saxon Mullins. She was only 18 when she was raped at the ally lane behind a pub in Kings Cross in 2013. She not only survived the traumatic ordeal that night, but also overcome the challenges of going through the ‘revolving doors’ of the courts of multiple trials and appeal by the perpetrator.
Watch the full episode on ABC Four Corners – I’m that Girl
I heard about this law reform on ABC News around the time I was preparing for 13 episodes of ‘Mental Health Talks’ in Cantonese for Chinese Radio 2 ac. I watched the Four Corners report to grasp the obstacles this young woman had leaped through to achieve this. I dedicated one episode to ‘Educating Young People about the Importance of Giving and Requesting Verbal Consents’. This is definitely a taboo subject among the Asian communities. My approach is in line with Grace Tame’s call for more preventative measures to stop sexual abuse to happen rather than adopting a ‘band-aid’ as a remedial therapeutic process to support rape victims. This approach faces many challenges in securing fundings for conducting research or operating programs. Why? My over simplified answer is – it is hard to provide the statistics on something you are working hard to prevent from happening.
However, never say never. Saxon Mullins is now the Director of Advocacy at Rape and Sexual Assault Research and Advocacy, University of Sydney. Saxon was the recipient of the Australian Human Rights Commission’s 2018 Young Persons’ Human Rights Medal.
Since Grace Tame came to the limelight after being awarded the 2021 Australian of the Year, she generated much controversy. Especially her ‘side-eye’ to express anger (some interpreted as rudeness) towards the former PM Hon. Scott Morison at the 2022 Australian of the Year Morning Tea Reception. I reached out to Grace to offer my support by sending her a copy of Dr Kristin Neff’s book entitled ‘Fierce Self-Compassion. Read my book review here.
I have been quite puzzled by a question I came across:
How could Grace let the teacher rape her for 2 years?
I recently found the answer in Grace’s memoir ‘The Nine Lives of a Diamond Miner’. Grace also explained eloquently the 6 stages of Grooming in a TED talk:
I applaud Grace’s passion to ‘stop abuse’ and make her job obsolete! I hope by sharing these two stories, we will all have more compassion for sexual abuse survivors. The trauma inflicted on the victims will take a long time to heal. One has to be mindful of the emotional and physical toll on them. Think twice before shooting out something along the line of ‘Why CAN’T they just ….”